It has been too long

I am not the best with staying in touch with people. I promised myself that I would contribute to this page for Eddie and I have not been here for over a year. My resolution for 2014 was to take a picture of my kids daily and I have not kept up with that either. So much has happened in the past year and I kinda needed to take some time to filter through it all. Still filtering, but I needed to check in.

It has been very weird trying to adapt to life without Eddie. I feel like he was the glue. I know he was the glue.

I am having the hardest time trying to write anything else. 

My baby brother

                                            This is what I am really missing in my life right now

Beck's "Loser" on the radio again..whenever I have Eddie on the brain, I hear this song.

52 Weeks at the Beach

When Eddie was sick he got me to take him to the beach a few times. It was more than I have ever been to the beach across a short amount of time. The beach is amazingly beautiful, calming, and peaceful. It makes you feel alive. Maybe that is why Eddie loved it so much. He could not even see the beach since he was blind but he could feel it and hear it and breath it. The beach and ocean is powerful even with out the sense of sight.

I live 10 minutes from La Jolla Shores, just 10 minutes.

After my son's first day of 2nd Grade I knew he needed to get outside and decompress. My car started heading to the beach even though it was already 6:45pm and we had not even had dinner yet.

He ran in the waves as the sun set, dousing his brand new school outfit in salt water and wet sand. My 2 year old was with us too riding in a carrier on my back. He was laughing and yelling "Oh Jonny!" as he watched Jonathan run free in the water.

I was smiling and taking lots of deep breath of the fresh sea air. I was decompressing too.

All 3 of us slept like logs that night.

In a earlier post I said I made a promise to myself to go to the beach more often. Well 3 weeks ago I made a commitment to go there once a week for a whole year. So far so good. We will be heading there tomorrow night to get our beach time in for this week.

Rachel I think you should join me sometime with your kids! Eddie wants you to.

Green Wolf tadpole died today. No fun explaining death all over again :(

Old photos

I finally figured out how to set up my printer to the laptop..all by myself. In celebration of my ability to do something I usually have Seth do, I thought I would start sharing awesome pictures I found in my mom's garage.  I have no idea what we were watching but it looks like we were really enjoying it. These are the moments that I hold dear to my heart. When I feel like a jerk or like I should have done more for my brother, it helps when I look at these. It reminds me that we had some wonderful times together and that I was a pretty good sister. Even though Eddie had his cast on, he still was very happy.

This is what I miss the most

 Eddie at Sea World, holding Edyth and her baby. This was when we all got together to watch Michael perform at the Bay of Play as Grover. I am glad Eddie and my mom were able to watch it with us.

Eddie getting of the bus when we went to Disneyland. 

                                         Eddie with Max. This picture is almost six years old.

I miss my brother. I miss his wheelchair. I miss his constant requests for a Dr.Pepper. I miss his silly sweatpants. I miss his laugh. I miss his disapproving sound effects when I would use bad words. I miss his adventures with my kids. I just really miss Eddie.