99 cents for a James Taylor album..

so of course I downloaded it to my Kindle cloud. I never would have thought my kfire would be my favorite gift, but my husband knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I always get buyers remorse so his safest bet is usually just giving me money for a tattoo. Needless to say, I have way more ink than I did at my wedding. I am still debating what I should get for my memorial tattoo.I am glad Seth took a chance and got me the kindle. I admit I was planning on returning it, but I slowly fell in love with it.

 I was able to bring it over and listen to bible verses with Eddie. I was able to find 70s soft rock on Songza and have him tell me the people singing us the songs.(Eddie could have been on the radio with all his knowledge about music). I didn't even find out until last Christmas that he had evolved from his soft rock to Lady Gaga. Seth once asked him if he liked Justin Beiber. After laughing, he told Seth  "Oh no, Justin Beaver is for teenagers, I don't like him, but maybe or Michael or Monica like Justin Beaver."  Then Eddie started laughing again. That story gets Seth smiling every time

I remember Eddie had a teacher who took him to a James Taylor concert. That must have been such a memorable experience for him, going to see a musician that he liked and getting out of the house. Maybe I was always a bit jealous of Jenn because she was able to do it with such ease. Picking him up and going everywhere with him without having any problems. I should have taken more time to do those kinds of things with him, but I just wanted to be as far away from home as humanly possible.

Seth changed all that. He loved Eddie as much as I did. We drove him to Carls Jr for burgers and DrPepper. Old Navy for some birthday shopping. Of course, we bought his track pants, shirts, and sweatshirts and he could not have been happier. We took him to a St.Madeline Sophie fundraising show at Copley Symphony Hall forever ago. Eddie was in his wheelchair and the tickets were complimentary,meaning they were up in the rafters with no wheelchair access. The usher told us we would have to park the chair and walk him up the never ending stairs. No way that would be reasonable for Eddie.

Poor Eddie was disappointed, but Seth quickly changed that.  I don't remember how he did it, but we got past the usher and into the theater. He found a seat and placed Eddie in it and then ran the chair to the spot where it had to be parked. The smile on Eddie's face will never leave my mind. I think it was probably a combination of being out all together and the fact that we didn't do what the usher told us to do. We were being a little bad and Eddie loved it.

We grew up in the same house. Stuff that frustrated me when I lived there, and the same nonsense that irritates me now, probably bothered Eddie even more. He didn't have his sight, so all he had was his hearing. The fighting that scared me, probably scared him too. The feelings of helplessness must have been so overwhelming for him because he could not just walk away. I can't feel too poorly for myself because Eddie always had it way worse, but he never ever complained.

 He was such a unique person, filled with so much love and peace. Even when he was dying, he held me when I was crying to comfort me. I tried to hold him, but he was so frail. I still have a hard time believing that it was cancer that took him. With everything that he lived through, it seems so unfair that cancer crept in and stole him from us.

Now that he is gone, all I can do is hope that he forgives me for not being the sister I should have been. I look at our childhood photos and I am there with him. Holding him, hugging him, feeding him, smiling with him, sleeping next to him..being happy together. Maybe that is what he remembers.

As for my James Taylor album, I will smile when I hear "How Sweet It Is" and remember Eddie singing it with his class...How sweet it is to be loved by you.. because it was very sweet being loved by Eddie.