I haven't been talking to my family recently so I found out about Billy's death in text messages from both of my parents. It is kinda weird that Billy started getting sick and going to the hospital around the same time Eddie was dying. Angie and Billy were a big part of our lives. She is one of the many people who felt super comfortable just dropping by my parents house without calling first. Sometimes she would make tortillas and salsa, other times she would clean the house. There were even sometimes that she would just sit on the couch and fold the huge box of socks that nobody else would attempt to finish. Every time Angie would drop by, and her car would be parked out front, she would always have Billy with her.
I don't know how to explain Billy. He was not like Eddie. Eddie was mellow and liked his personal space. He was easily understood. Billy was the opposite. He would always walk after you, trying to shake your hand and ask how you were. The only other words he would say were juice and tortilla. Something about Billy always made Eddie laugh. He made me feel uncomfortable, but Eddie really liked him. Angie would always be walking around the house talking about her faith and getting into mini arguments with my siblings about conservative issues with Billy waiting patiently for her to finish so they could leave.
After Eddie died, Angie and her daughter came over. I was in the garage, cleaning out the clutter and trying to preoccupy my thoughts and Angie's car pulls up. My mom loves socializing and her home seems to be a haven for everybody..except us kids who grew up there. I know I grew up with Angie dropping by all the time without notice and it was not my house, but I really was not in the space to be talking with them about anything. It reminded me of all the times when random people would come over and how we would have to modify our plans just so they would feel comfortable.
I probably was pretty rude and there really is nothing I can do about it now. I was only at my parents to clean and use all my energy just so I was too tired to think. I wished I was invisible. How many times did I have to answer the dreaded question.."How are you doing?" Pretty shitty actually would have accurately described how I felt. Pretty sick of people invading my space and asking me the polite question that has no polite reply. I could not even explain to my mom why I could not handle people dropping by and pretending that they could understand what was going on.
Nobody was expecting Billy's death because he died of a heart attack. Although I hated watching Eddie suffer, I am grateful now that we had those extra moments with him. I was able to be there for him like I was when we were growing up. He was able to be present in the lives of my kids. He made an impression on Seth. He reminded me how important it is to have faith in God. My faith could have died with Eddie and I could have blamed God for punishing Eddie with a miserable death, but instead it strengthened the faith of my entire family.
Just as Jesus suffered for our sin, I feel quite confident that Eddie had a similar path. He loved us all so much that he took his suffering and used it to teach us something. I am still trying to decode the message because my brain has been in a fog. Maybe it is possible he could have died quickly, but instead chose to suffer so he would have extra time with us. Maybe he wanted to make sure our faith was strong before he left us. I know he was really close to God. The only other person I have met with that amazing closeness to God would have to be Mother Theresa. Eddie had that "light."
When Eddie breathed his last breath, his mouth stayed open and he looked similar to King Tut. The image was traumatizing. We all sat around him and were reminiscing about him. No lie, his mouth turned into a smile. It could have been the way rigor mortis set in, but it was still unbelievable. I felt like it was his way of letting us know that he was happy. He went peacefully. The sun shone through the skylight in the living room at that moment..
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