Every day, I challenge myself to wake up and go to the gym. It seems like it an easy thing to do, and it probably is for most people, but for me it is a daily struggle. Getting myself motivated to get out of the house and persuading my children to hang out in the kids club is a big deal. The one thing that makes it easier to convince them to go is Linda.
Linda works at the kids club and we love her very much. When we found out that Eddie was sick, she started praying for him daily. Every time that I would check my kids into the gym, she would ask how my brother was doing. Our talks would have to be quick, but she always took the time to listen and give me advice.
On the days that would be really hard, she would always be there waiting for me with profound wisdom. Encouraging me to keep going and reminding me how precious each moment is. Telling me that I have a beautiful aura and that I am doing a good job with my children. Giving me the confidence I needed to trust my instincts. Sharing a special story from her life that enabled me to escape my depressing thoughts and focus on being positive and creative.
Linda is an angel in my life. She really was there for me when I needed someone nudging me forward. I could not change what was going on with my brother, but I was able to change the way I participated. I was able to have strength to deal with the reality that faced me every time we went to my parents' house to visit Eddie. I was able to be there for Eddie in ways I would have never thought possible. Thanks Linda for being an angel in my life.
Eddie loved talking with people and learning about their lives. Sometimes the questions would be simple and sometimes they would be innocently inappropriate. He just loved interacting with people and hearing their stories. Listening to their voices and sometimes even mimicking them, to the delight of all his siblings. He never judged anyone.
How much could I learn if I stopped judging people? How much more could I achieve in my life if I stopped judging myself? How much more confident will my children be if I allow them to make mistakes and show them unconditional love? How much happier would my husband be if I stopped having unrealistic expectations? How many people are in my life that i am avoiding, but really could learn something from, or vice-versa?
My brother loved me very much and he always would remind me that he did. Of course I have not been the perfect anything, but he loved me anyway. Does it matter why he did? It should not. He just loved me for being Rachel. I should be able to love myself for being Rachel too. The pieces of the puzzle, that is my life, are still falling into place. I won't know what the end result will be, but I am able to realize that I should love it anyway. Eddie did.
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