Last month,on this day..

at 9:32 a.m. my brother Eddie passed away. I don't really know what to say and I keep erasing so if I don't write now then I don't think I will ever post anything. I miss him.I miss him very much.

 On July 4th, my family went swimming at the in-laws and I kept forgetting that Eddie wasn't coming. I look at his pictures on my wall and am reminded that he will no longer be in our Christmas photos with Santa. My kids were messing with balloons at my mom's house and my initial reaction is to tell them not to scratch the balloons because it bothers Eddie. I heard Beck's "Loser" on the radio and go to turn it off and then remember when Eddie had memorized the entire song. 

We went on a ski trip to Lake Tahoe with my dad's youth group and I probably was 14, so he must have been 13. I never liked skiing and so I stayed in the condo with Eddie. The only channel that was decent was MTV and since my mom never allowed us to watch it, of course that is the channel we kept it on. I didn't think anything of it until we got home and Eddie starts singing, "I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me.." My mom was so mad and she knew right away that I had let him watch/listen to MTV. I can't remember if I was grounded or not, but she definitely did not think it was funny. Eddie did. He had a great sense of humor. He also knew that song was kinda naughty, so it cracked him up to hear my mom gasp with horror every time he sang those lyrics.

 Today, I will listen to that song and visualize Eddie smiling as he sings those words..