and it seems like people expect me to be over it already. I am supposed to be worried about play dates and making friends and back to normal. I don't know how to do it. Be fine with the fact that my brother is dead and all the circumstances surrounding his death have not been dealt with. Every day I look in the mail hoping to find an apology from Kaiser for everything they did wrong and the pathetic hospice care that was provided for Eddie.
When Eddie was born, he had multiple complications. He endured so many surgeries that I remember him in a body cast most of our childhood. I don't know how he did it. My son, Max, fractured his femur when he was not even four and those were an intense few months. There was nothing I could do to make it better for him. The first night, he was tearing at the cotton in the cast saying that he didn't want to "wear the mummy cast anymore". I felt completely helpless and fully responsible, since I was the one who purchased the trampoline that caused the fracture in the first place.
I can't imagine how my mom must have felt. Leaving him in the hospital, the few months after he was born, until he was healthy enough to come home. Having to figure out how she was going to afford the taxi rides to visit Eddie, since my biological dad left her with nothing. Not knowing how long she would have Eddie, since the doctors gave him less than a year. Always having doctor appointments and major surgeries filling up her calendar. Eddie practically lived at the hospital.
My mom put all her trust in Eddie's doctors to make sure he was ok. Every decision that was made, she went with what the doctor suggested. She never second guessed them. When Eddie started getting sick, the doctor from emergency told us that he simply had ulcers and acid reflux. He went to emergency two more times before they did a thorough exam and found the cancer. I can't remember exactly where it spread, bit it was advanced enough for Kaiser to suggest their hospice care.
I am really angry about all that happened with Kaiser. The rude staff attending to Eddie in the emergency room. The frustration my parents had to deal with, along with the realization that my brother was too sick to attempt chemo treatments. The multiple calls I placed to member services, in attempt to help Eddie get the care he deserved. The fact that somebody should have told my parents that Eddie was at risk for this specific cancer since he had a problem with his left testicle at birth. There won't be any apology good enough to excuse how Kaiser handled Eddie's situation.
It only got worse with the hospice care. Eddie had a nurse visit once a week, twice if they were lucky. My dad could never get in touch with his nurse, and she never came when she said she would. The "care" part was a complete joke. He had hiccups the entire time he was dying, and there was nobody there advising my parents on what they could do. One time, I had looked on google for hiccup cures and we tried them all, none of them worked. It was a sad and painful process, watching my younger brother slowly dying and nobody caring enough to make sure he was comfortable.
Now that Eddie is gone, I can't help but feel relieved that the hiccups have finally ceased. He is no longer suffering and I don't have to worry about trying to protect him or fight for him to be taken care of. Watching him suffer really strengthened my faith in God and in myself. Eddie was extremely special, and nothing I could ever write would do him justice, but writing about him makes it easier for me to deal with him being gone.
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