Eddie loved dancing as much as he loved music, with all of his heart. All he ever needed was a radio with working batteries and a can of Dr.Pepper. I will always remember him when I see Dr.Pepper or listen to his favorite radio station kyxy 96.5. I know if I am thinking about him, the song I need to hear always comes on to trigger a happy memory. The morning he died, my brother Michael came out to pick me up and as we drove to my parents, "I believe I can fly" started playing on the radio.
I have been missing him so much lately and then I remember he only passed a month ago. I will have years and years of missing him. I know he would not want any of us to be sad, but the loss is severe. He was always the light in the room with his smile shining the brightest.
I am grateful for the times my husband and kids helped me get him and drive him to get his Dr.Pepper and a "double double." The times when my kids kept quiet in the car so Eddie could roll down his window to listen to the waves crashing on the beach. The times we spent on Halloween going door to door getting candy, even though Eddie never liked sweets. The times when Eddie would let my kids sit on his lap in the wheelchair when they got tired of walking. I am glad my kids were able to meet him and I was able to name my daughter Edy.
We were at Costco the other day and there was an employee whose name tag said "Eddie." I had never met a woman named Eddie, so I asked if it was short for something and she told me that it was short for Edith. That encounter reminded me that I named our daughter knowing eventually Eddie would pass and I wanted her to be named after him. How could I have forgotten that?
Life is not always easy. Losing someone is difficult. I am living each day knowing I always have Eddie in my heart and in my memories. I am so happy that my kids see Eddie in random dragonflies. My son prays and asks Eddie for help and he believes it was Eddie who helped him win the class tadpole.
Eddie will always be missed, but we will never forget him.
I was just at In and Out today and I was thinking of the last time I took Eddie there as soon as I saw the Dr. Pepper.
ReplyDeleteI think one of the hardest things for me is how sad Eddie was the last few months of his life. He never complained or said he was sad or in pain but he never had that beautiful smile of his anymore. It breaks me just to think about it right now. I cried so many times after being with him because I was so sad that he was not able to smile anymore.
Rachel is right, it is really hard to heal from the memory of how he was those last few months.
No one will ever have a smile like Eddie's. I am so happy that I was lucky enough to see so many of those great Eddie smiles back in the good days.